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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24478837">Back to Where it all Started</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyRed/pseuds/LizzyRed'>LizzyRed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Back to Where it all Started [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half-Life, half life 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Half Life AU, Post-Half-Life 2: Episode Two, this is fucking sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:07:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24478837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyRed/pseuds/LizzyRed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Eli Vance's death, Dr Issac Kleiner comes up with a plan. They can modify the teleport to bring Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance back to where it all started: Black Mesa. They can stop everything from happening and save their future... but it's a little more complicated than they had once imagined.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gordon Freeman &amp; Alyx Vance, Gordon Freeman/Alyx Vance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Back to Where it all Started [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Back to Where it all Started</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is an AU I created where Alyx and Gordon do some fonky messing around with time travel. Of course, it doesn't exactly go as planned, at least you'll see why in the next installment. This is my first Half Life story, aside from HLVRAI. Hope you like it.<br/>TW: it gets really sad and talks about some heavy stuff like character death.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The air flowing through the window was cool and crisp. The birds chirped as the wind blew through the trees in the distance  in a serene soft gust. The morning sun was rising in the east, the world coming to life as the day was beginning to arise from its nightly slumber. Staring out the window, her eyes were transfixed, laying on her side with a soft blanket bundled around her. There was a deep sadness in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Life moves on, Alyx. We've got work to do.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She threw the blanket off of herself, tossing it aside as she sat up. Since her usual outfit was now stained with dirt and blood, she figured she might as well leave it behind. She hoped they'd be back soon enough to clean it, anyway. She hoped this would at least be their greatest chance to stop the combine, because now, she was pissed beyond all astronomically viable levels of pissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father, Eli Vance, was killed only a week ago. They had his memorial already, and Alyx recalled it was the first time she'd seen Kleiner cry. Kleiner was always a very strange guy, but he always seemed very upbeat and in good spirits despite all the conflict surrounding him. To see a man like that so emotionally vulnerable was definitely heartbreaking. Gordon and his silent self even seemed deeply troubled. Normally he was an immovable, determined, and persistent stone of a man, unwavering from his goals and trying to hold together anyone he could. He never broke under even all the pressure in the world. He was the one thing that was keeping Alyx from losing all hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing him that day, she saw a sadness in his eyes. A sadness that ran deep in her. He seemed even more reserved than usual, not even physically responding to her when she spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli had a box full of what clothes she had left back in City 17. She rummaged through, finding for herself a brown hunting jacket and a pair of darker blue jeans. She laced up a pair of combat boots, ready to expect some kind of conflict. Today was going to be another long, crazy day. She made sure she had all her stuff, a gun along with all her tools. She really didn't know what to expect on this mission, but she was glad it avoided going all the way to the arctic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heading out of the room, she grabbed a backpack beside the doorway she'd packed what few things she had to bring with her, and anything else vaguely important. If anything went wrong, she needed to be ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air outside was fresh. She took in a deep breath, looking up to the sky. She hoped this wouldn't be the last time she saw this sun… but nobody really knew what was going to happen. Her father wasn't here anymore to dissuade her. She wondered if that was a bad thing. She was so ready to do this, to stop the combine, but she was still nervous… it was dangerous. They could very easily just cease to exist. Or explode. Or get torn apart between timelines. Or at least… that’s what she heard Kleiner say. Kleiner seemed so nervous, despite so sure it would work. He and Gordon had been working together on this for the past four days, almost nonstop. She had to remind them both constantly to sleep so they didn’t accidentally fuck up. She did occasionally help too, but she was more help with the mechanical aspects than figuring out how it would actually work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Alyx.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice startled her out of her thinking trance. It was Barney, standing beside the entrance to the lab.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Alyx said with a warm smile. “I’m still relieved you made it back in one piece.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but after Eli’s memorial,” Barney said. “Wish I coulda gotten here sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Barn,” Alyx said. “It’s not your fault you guys got derailed by the explosion. At least you were all ok.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn right,” Barney said. “I think Gordon blessed us with some of his crazy luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Alyx said with a small laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Barney said. “You doin’ alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Alyx said. “Oh… yeah I’m ok… just ready to finish this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m ready to get done with it too,” Barney said. “Kleiner says we could change a lot doing this. He says there's risks, but… he doesn’t really elaborate much. He says it’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not too sure of that,” Alyx said. “But I trust his judgment. I trust Gordon even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah,” Barney said. “I haven’t seen him in action much when it comes to science, but he’s damn good at what he does in everything else. I’m sure he’s even better with his brain than he is with a gun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so,” Alyx muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think they’re almost done in there,” Barney said. “Just making last minute calculations or something. Making sure it goes alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx smiles softly, and she says, “Well, if I don’t see ya again, Barn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awh, shucks, don’t say that,” Barney said. “I don’t want the thought in my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know…” Alyx said. “It’s just… you’ve been a great friend. I want you to know that. One of the strongest people I know. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind and you’ve been through a lot, as much as you never talk about it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barney was quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess,” Barney muttered. “But hey, we’re gonna be fixin’ it now, aren’t we? I’m not sure how this time travel stuff works, but Kleiner tells me it ain’t like the movies. Whatever theories I’ve seen are I guess… wrong now. I dunno. It sounds weird but I ain’t a scientist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know…” Alyx said. “Well, I’m gonna be heading in. You gonna meet us before we leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah,” Barney said. “Kleiner just wants me to keep an eye out so nobody wanders in. I’m pretty sure everybody here ain’t that stupid, but… oh well. Guess it's a habit. I’m good at guarding anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a wide, goofy smile, and Alyx laughed. He seemed very pleased with his ability to cheer her up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah you are,” she joked. “Don’t forget to say bye to Gordon, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I ain’t sayin’ bye,” Barney said. “You guys are comin’ back, right? More like… see ya later. Catch you on the flipside. I still owe him a beer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you can get me one, too,” Alyx said. They exchanged a silly grin as she opened the door, stepping inside. There was a warm feeling leftover from the exchange. She was full of hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she walked down the hall toward the lab, she could hear Kleiner’s voice echoing down the hall. He always talked more when he was nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gordon, you’re sure all the numbers are correct? I mean, I don’t mean to doubt your judgement-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She peered in, seeing Gordon tinkering with Kleiner’s teleporter. Gordon only glanced at him in response, indicating he was sure they were correct.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, you’re a scientist too, I know-” Kleiner said. He was pacing, anxiously fidgeting with his coat’s sleeve cuffs. “I apologize, I’m just nervous, we can’t exactly test this machine and so much could go wrong, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw Alyx, stopping short. She smiled warmly, and he reciprocated the smile with a nervous grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Alyx! Good morning!” He said. “You look ready!”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I am,” she said. “Can’t wait to get this done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh… right!” Kleiner said. “I have confidence in this machine, I apologize for rambling about possibilities… I’m only nervous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, doc,” Alyx said. “I know you don’t really mean it. I have confidence in you and Gordon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over at Gordon, and she said, “Hey, Gordon!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved to her, reciprocating the friendly smile she gave to him, but he quickly went back to what he was doing. He looked tired, very focused on making sure the machine was as right as it was going to be. It was almost odd still to see him in a lab coat and not his HEV suit, but ALyx knew he didn’t wear it </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the time. He was a scientist, after all. She sometimes forgot from the way he took down so many Combine. Whatever he experienced in Black Mesa turned him more into a soldier than a scientist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx looked over at Kleiner, and she leaned toward him as she whispered, “Did he sleep at all last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not entirely sure,” Kleiner responded as quietly as he could. “I believe he may have gotten at least two hours, but he was working when I left to sleep, and when I’d returned. I’m sure he’s been able to do much more on much less.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” Alyx grunted. “Well, I hope he’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Kleiner said loudly, indicating the subject had changed. “It’s almost that time. “Gordon, once you’re finished, I have your suit charged and repaired. I can’t imagine you’ll really need many weapons, but either way, you can grab anything you think you’ll need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded in response, and he closed the panel for the part he was working on, neatly putting the tools away as he headed out of the room. Alyx inspected the machine, eyeing it closely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys did a good job in such short time,” she said. “This is gonna bring us back into Black Mesa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before the Resonance Cascade, yes,” Kleiner said, typing away on a desk full of computers. “I made sure the calculations are perfect, at least to Gordon and I’s memory. The exact time and exact location isn’t exactly perfect, but it’s close enough you’ll be able to stop in with plenty of time to spare. Also with Barney’s help and his mental map of the halls, you won’t end up inside of a wall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because my memory is so great,” Barney joked, entering the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speak of the devil,” Kleiner said. “Barney! Good to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t miss this, doc,” Barney said with a smile. “It’s gonna be pretty cool, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…” Kleiner said, stammering for a moment. “It… will certainly be pretty cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barney smiled at Alyx, putting a hand on her shoulder as he said, “If you see Breen, you think you can give em a message? I gave the job to Gordon but I forgot he doesn’t talk much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Alyx said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell em I said Fuck You,” Barney said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do,” Alyx said with a wide smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kick ass for me out there,” Barney said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx nodded. They both looked over to the sound of boots hitting the ground, seeing Gordon in his HEV suit, smiling at them both.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Hey, Gordon,” Barney said. “You guys ready to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got somethin’ for ya,” Barney said. He threw a crowbar in Gordon’s direction, and Gordon caught it. “For old times sake, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kleiner was quiet, looking down at his monitor instead of contributing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Alyx, Barney,” he said. “There is an extra generator in the other room, do you two mind switching it on for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Alyx said. “Come on, Barn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both headed out of the room, leaving Kleiner and Gordon alone. Gordon clipped the crowbar to a belt on his suit, grabbing a backpack he had set up, just as Alyx had. It was just in case anything went wrong and they were left stranded somewhere, which was unlikely, but anything was possible. Kleiner looked at Gordon, and he met his glance. Kleiner had a pale and nervous expression, but a sad look in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have no idea,” he said quietly. “I didn’t expect you to tell her…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon had a blank expression, his eyes looking down at the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to upset her… I don’t think Barney would let us do this if he knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was silent for a long moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you trying to protect her?” Kleiner said quietly. “I know you know what’s going to happen, Dr Freeman… you aren’t hesitant about it at all. I know it’s going to save everyone in the past but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kleiner’s voice almost became a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to be destroyed. We’re going to be destroyed. It’s terrifying to think about. It’s almost terrifying to think that you don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon glanced at him. He didn’t mean to seem hostile in any way, but whatever look he had in his eyes seemed to startle Kleiner into silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Right,” Kleiner said. “I know it was presumptuous of me to assume you don’t care. I know you do… that’s why you’re doing this… Alyx can live in a world where this doesn’t ever happen… that doesn’t leave much for you, though, really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kleiner was quiet for a long moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m sure you don’t care about that. You are more selfless than I have been in my lifetime. But… I am still very afraid. I hope it isn’t painful… it already is, having the weight of… knowing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both heard Alyx and Barney’s voices approaching again, and Kleiner perked up as he glanced in their direction. He then looked at Gordon, and he said, “Good luck Dr Freeman. You were a great colleague. I would never have wished to have known someone else. I wish I had more time for a goodbye, and I wish I didn't have to say goodbye… but… farewell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded. He wished he could say goodbye. He really did. He tried to say something, but he hasn’t spoken since he’d gotten here. He just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He really didn’t know why. It’s not that he’d lost his voice, he just… didn’t have the mental fortitude to speak anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We shouldn’t be gone too long,” they heard Alyx say. “A few hours to a day at most for you, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, hurry back,” Barney said. “I’ll be nervous the entire time. I’ll be lucky if I don't gnaw my fingernails off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See ya later, Barn,” Alyx said. She hugged him tightly, a bit longer than she should have. She was so afraid she’d never see him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be seein’ ya,” Barney said. He didn’t protest. He knew she was afraid, and he was too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both approached the machine, and Alyx looked at Gordon and smiled as she said, “Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're a great guy, Mr Freeman,” Barney said with a crooked grin. “I still owe ya that beer. After this, you’ve definitely earned it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Barney shook his hand firmly, and they stared at each other for a short moment. Gordon was conflicted. He really wanted to say something. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. If anything he just wanted to say goodbye, but he wouldn’t be able to bear it. The words got caught in his throat and never made it out of his mouth. He wanted to just pull Barney into a hug, but he felt it would be out of character for him. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He really didn’t. But it was for the greater good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he just smiled and nodded. His smile was convincing, but he had a sadness in his eyes that seemed to fly right over Barney’s head. Barney let go, and for a moment Gordon didn’t want him to. He quickly shook it off, looking at Alyx as she was stepping onto the platform on the machine. He followed her, standing beside her. She smiled warmly at him, and he tried to reciprocate the smile. It hurt to see her so happy. So hopeful. He’d never see her again after this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Initiating power up sequence,” Kleiner said. “Directing power flow…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teleport powered on. The hum of electricity filled their ears, making the hairs on the back of their necks stand up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This should take but a moment…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wait was agonizing. Gordon felt Alyx grab his hand, squeezing it tightly and almost startling him. He glanced over at her, seeing her staring off into space. Her face was pale and she was incredibly tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Raising the platform…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They began lifting up into the electrified rings of the teleporter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See ya later, doc!” Barney shouted. “Catch you on the flipside, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon couldn’t even bring himself to nod. His mouth ran dry, and he felt a knot in his throat. He was now suddenly doubting himself. He didn’t want to do this, but he knew he had to. Kleiner glanced up right before the sequence was completed, and their eyes met. It felt like an eternity, time pausing for a moment as the sound of the world was tuned out. Kleiner could see the sad look in Gordon’s eyes, and Gordon could see the sad and terrified look in his. They were the only ones that knew… and that knowledge was absolutely crushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prepare yourselves… you might feel a bit of a tug,” Kleiner was able to say in an out of breath tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx squeezed Gordon’s hand tighter in anticipation, and Gordon looked at her. She looked at him, and their eyes met. The world around them seemed to be erased as they had a moment of connectedness. They could feel each other's fear and anticipation, but Gordon was glad she didn’t know they were about to erase themselves. The moment they leave… it will be all over. They cannot erase what they do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx smiled at him, a terrified smile. He couldn’t bring himself to smile back, but he tried. Alyx squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for them to be pulled out of the timeline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long moment of hesitation. Gordon hoped Kleiner didn’t back down, but a part of him hoped he did. He hoped they had just gone with their original plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kleiner barely got to even finish his last word before there was a blinding light, and it sounded like all the sounds in the world screamed out through the sound of static and humming electricity, and then…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was darkness for a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon was almost sure for a moment they’d ended up in some plain of existence between time as space. He still felt Alyx gripping his hand, and he realized he was gripping hers too, probably tighter than her. He felt like he was floating, like all his atoms were not completely connected, but at the same time, he was whole. He couldn't feel anything but Alyx, and couldn't hear or see anything but darkness and the ringing in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wondered if he was dead. He couldn’t move, and Alyx couldn’t move either. He wondered if they’d be stuck here forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then suddenly, every atom in his body was screaming with intense heat. His eyes were wide open, and he saw endless flashes of color from the ends of the universe, collections of the most vibrant lights and images, and flashes of environments he couldn’t even imagine. He went through every memory he’s ever had, went through every emotion and pain he’s ever experienced, every dream and waking moment, even memories long forgotten, reliving his entire life, all in only seconds. It was an overwhelming overload of information and images and light, and sounds overlapping and blaring in his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It suddenly ceased, and he saw in the darkness a man in a suit. He stared at him with dead eyes, standing straight and tall. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He adjusted his tie, and in seconds they were yanked out of the darkness, both being thrown on solid ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon was frozen in shock, his eyes open wide. He was dazed, unsure of what he had just experienced. He felt different. Vastly different. His body was still hot, and it felt like he had just been engulfed in flames and the most intense pain he had ever experienced, yet the pain had immediately gone away without him ever feeling it. His entire body felt electrified, like he’d been shocked by a bolt of lightning. It didn’t take long for it all to fade from his memory, and he was left confused, but just as he had been before teleporting, albeit less exhausted. It took him a moment to realize Alyx’s back was laying on his torso, and she seemed equally dazed and confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh..” she muttered. “What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced over, meeting Gordon’s eyes. They both glanced around the room, realizing they were in a janitor’s closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this Black Mesa-?” She questioned. She looked at Gordon, and he nodded very slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly recovered, standing up as she pulled Gordon to his feet. She then laughed out of shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hoo- Hooooly shit!” She laughed. “That worked! Holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged Gordon tightly, and she said, “Thank god! Thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span> it worked!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon wrapped his arms around her gently. If he didn’t have the suit on he assumed she’d be absolutely crushing his ribs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled away, and she said, “Right. You’re Mr Black Mesa. You lead the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded, and he turned toward the door. He turned the knob, opening it slowly. He glanced around the hall, not seeing anyone present, but it looked clear and clean. It was definitely before the Resonance Cascade. He recognized the hallway, and he noticed a clock inside of a room across the hall. The time was exactly when he had gotten off of the tram, heading down the hall. They had to intercept his past self on the way to the test chamber to interrupt the flow of time, and quickly explain as fast as possible what was going on. It wouldn’t take long for the flow of time to change completely, and he wondered how long it would take for them to disappear. He felt nervous, and he now began to wonder where he was going to go when he vanished. Would he be put back in his past self’s point of view? Would he just die? Would he be condemned to a void or go to heaven or hell? If those things even existed in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed the thought out of his mind. He grabbed Alyx’s wrist, pulling her along to indicate she needed to follow. He began running, and she followed. They were both running with a purpose, neither of them faltering in their pace. When they turned the corner, they were met with scientists and guards roaming around. Gordon shoved them out of the way, seeing their astonished and confused faces, some of them shouting words he didn’t hear. They were too shocked and confused to follow at first, but Gordon expected some of the guards to begin chasing them. They weren’t far from where he knew his past self would be, and they needed to hurry to make it there in time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shoved one particular guard out of the way, and he heard a familiar voice yelp in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gordon?!” He heard Barney’s voice shout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alyx looked back as she yelled, “Sorry Barn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked incredibly confused. Alyx saw two guards chasing behind them, and she said, “Shit- Gordon, they’re chasing us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon hastened his pace, Alyx struggling to keep up. He turned the corner, sliding and stopping for a moment, making a sharp turn. Alyx nearly slipped, stumbling into the wall. They both saw down the hallway a few yards a startled Gordon Freeman, wide eyed and shocked. Alyx quickly ran toward him, Gordon following her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” She shouted to the past Gordon. The past Gordon stepped back, a confused expression on his face. “Hey, wait-! We have to talk!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh-?” The past Gordon exclaimed. It felt weird for Gordon to hear his own voice again. He’d been silent for such a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen-” Alyx said. “Listen very carefully. We’re from the future. I’m not shitting you- we’re actually from the future. Here, look, this is you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed at Gordon, and the past Gordon glanced at him. Their eyes locked, and past Gordon’s eyes widened even more as his jaw dropped slightly. There was a moment of silence, despite the sound of people approaching in the distance. They had to make this quick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, try to listen for a sec,” Alyx said. “And listen good. That test you’re about to do- it’s gonna go HORRIBLY wrong. The whole thing is gonna explode and there’s gonna be aliens- aliens that are gonna take over the whole world. So many people are gonna die. We’re trying to prevent that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What-?” Was all past Gordon was able to exclaim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, just know that the thing is gonna fail and explode,” Alyx said. “It’s gonna cause a Resonance Cascade, something goes wrong in the system. So many people are gonna die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The past Gordon looked at Alyx, and then back at Gordon. He was trying to process what she was saying, but he was bewildered by his future self standing silently, staring at him urgently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What in GOD’S NAME is going?” A scientist exclaimed, turning the corner with two security guards, guns drawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta tell them!” Alyx exclaimed to past Gordon. “They have to cancel the test, they gotta cancel all the damn tests! Those fuckin’ aliens are going to kill so many people!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hands up!” One of the guards said, pointing a gun at them. Alyx and Gordon turned around, and Alyx reached for a pistol on her belt. Gordon grabbed her wrist tightly, stopping her as she jumped. He didn’t want them to shoot at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck is goin’ on?” The other guard growled. “Who the fuck are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait a sec-” the first guard said. “Gordon? What the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first guard glanced back at past Gordon, and then at Gordon. He had a bewildered expression, lowering the gun slightly. The second guard seemed a lot more aggressive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on god is fucking going on?” The second guard growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gordon-” Alyx hissed. “What are we gonna do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon put his hands up slightly, motioning for Alyx to do the same. Alyx copied him, taking her hand off her weapon and putting her hands up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My god…” the scientist behind the guards muttered in astonishment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quiet as everyone was completely in shock. Nobody was really sure how to react. Gordon was tense, looking at Alyx as they exchanged glances.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is awkward,” Alyx muttered. “What are we supposed to do now? We can’t leave until Kleiner brings us back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon knew they weren’t going back. He just went along with what Alyx said, glancing back at the guards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen very carefully,” Alyx said calmly. “My name is Alyx Vance. I'm the daughter to one of the scientists here, Eli Vance. As much as it sounds like utter bullshit… we’re from the future. This is Gordon Freeman… you already know him, he’s standing right there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed with her thumb back at past Gordon, who was too shocked to move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen… that test that you guys are doing… it’s going to fail. It’s going to fail badly. It’s going to cause a Resonance Cascade, and aliens are gonna come out of it and invade. They’re gonna take over the world in only seven hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck…” the first guard muttered, astonished. The guards looked at each other, bewildered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not here to cause any harm,” Alyx said. “We’re trying to save your asses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We gotta inform the administrator,” the first guard said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn right,” the second guard said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two,” the first guard said, looking at Gordon and Alyx. “You come with me. We gotta apprehend you until further notice. It’s protocol.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit…” Alyx muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Freeman, you too,” the second guard said. “You’re coming with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-” past Gordon muttered, not able to think of anything else to say, He was stunned, unable to really process anything. “Ok-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first guard holstered his weapon, grabbing Alyx’s arm gently. She swatted him away, and he put up his hands apologetically as he muttered, “Sorry, ma’am-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gordon,” Alyx said. “We’re gonna be fine, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon hesitantly nodded. The guards wouldn’t do anything to them, they were just going to be escorted to that department's security office, but… that wasn’t what he was worried about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they were escorted down the hall, he felt this heavy, crushing feeling. The feeling you get when you know you’re about to die. He had a distant and sad expression, and Alyx noticed. She didn’t comment, at least not until they were at the security office. They were escorted to a room, instructed to sit there and wait until they figured things out. It was a rather dark room, despite the dim fluorescent light above. There was a bench against the far wall, and Gordon sat down, Alyx sitting beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quiet for a long moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Alyx said. “Here’s to hoping they listen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon didn’t respond. She’d gotten used to the fact he doesn’t speak, but usually he’d give her a look or a nod, or some kind of response she could interpret easily. He had his elbows resting on his knees, staring down at the floor. He had that distant, sad expression. It was the same expression he had during Eli’s memorial.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gordon…” she said softly, resting a hand on his back. “Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced at her, meeting her eyes. She’d never seen him with an expression of just… sadness. He looked defeated, almost. It was so foreign to see on somebody like Gordon, who was a ray of light for the entire resistance. Ever since they had that plan to build the time machine, he just… was so despondent. She didn’t know what to even say. He wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, he never said anything about anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did it,” Alyx said. “We accomplished our mission. We saved everyone… what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had no idea. It was becoming more difficult for him to handle. His chest felt tight, and he felt something in his throat. He quickly forced it back down, knowing it was probably a sob. He wasn’t going to break. For Alyx’s sake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was caught slightly off guard when Alyx hugged him tightly. It was a gentle but firm hug, and he hesitated before doing anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s been rough…” Alyx said. “You’ve probably got a lot on your mind… don't think I didn’t notice your past self speaks and you don’t. I can only imagine what you went through… you must be keeping it all inside…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt like he needed to escape the situation. He was close to losing his composure. But he stayed. He didn’t want to be anywhere else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s over now… you’re alright… we’ll all be ok… it’s ok if it gets to be too much sometimes…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged her back, tighter than he realized. He heard her breath hitch slightly from the force. It wasn’t fair. It really wasn’t. He wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. If he told her, she’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>crushed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His tipping point was reached when he heard Alyx whisper softly…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged her tightly, his hand gripping her back as he buried his face in her shoulder. He felt tears in his eyes, and he knew this time he couldn’t hold them in. Alyx seemed slightly shocked, a concerned expression on her face when she felt him shudder, his breathing becoming staggered. She hugged him tighter, feeling the tears in her own eyes. It was finally over. She could take a real rest, and live without the threat of the combine over her at every waking moment of her life. Gordon was trying to be as silent as possible, but he wasn’t able to contain his quiet sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s ok…” Alyx whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not ok. Kleiner lied, and he did too. They lied to their closest friends, they lied to the people who would trust them with their lives, and they </span>
  <em>
    <span>did.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> trust them with their lives. And they </span>
  <em>
    <span>lied.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They were technically fulfilling their wishes, technically saving them, but… saving them in the past. Their lives won’t change significantly. They’re still stuck in Black Mesa. They will never get the chance to rebuild and experience life like they wanted to. The idea that he had just killed an entire universe of people… his friends… it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>crushing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t really remember what happened after that. Everything just went black.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[To be continued…]</span>
</p>
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